ME

So many epiphanies lately. I’m really growing into my perceptive skills. For one thing blogging. I feel like God has been telling me to write forever now and I have been ignoring his guidance. All my good thoughts come at inconvenient times and reminding myself later never works. So finally I realized (in the shower where all good thinking happens, along with right before falling asleep and driving) that if God has put writing on my heart I should try making it my first priority. Sacrificing to fulfill this directive whether it be sleep, convenience, time, etc because this is ultimately for me and for God and so the sacrifice is worth it.

I’m also realizing it doesn’t take me long to sum people up. I always start off neutral and I give people a few chances but it’s sort of like the two date rule. That’s all I need. More on this later.

I’ve also become a lot more self aware this year (I commute 35 min to work each day and spend a large portion of my days at work with nothing to do so what do you expect) and I’m figuring out how I work more and more. I realized today that when life becomes too much I have an overwhelming need to be taken care of. I’ll settle for clearly communicating what I need but I really long to have my needs realized and interpreted before I need to say something. Like a friend sensing my need for a coffee date or a pick me up; My husband sensing my stress and asking what he can do to help. Nothing so grand as mind reading just someone to come along side me and do life with me for a minute. When life gets hard I get lonely. Small example with weight lifting. When I feel insecure about my ability to lift a certain weight I instantly long for, or when I’m lucky I get, my friend Sam to just stand near by and the knowledge that I’m not alone is enough to get me though. On the flip side when I feel overwhelmed and people place additional demands on me or I feel like I need to take care of someone I start to resent them. I also become more critical of people when I haven’t spent quality time with people. …. Thoughts drifting off so I think I’ll stop here. That’s just a little more of me… Out here on the internet … For all to see…

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